I was switched off like a light
A fighter with no fight
Staring up at the stars
I'd given into the dark

Burned out like a match
At the low end of the crash
The moon glowed like a scar
How did things go so far

Somehow you saw someone worth saving
You pulled me back into the light

Now if ever I can rescue you,
When you need two arms to fall into
You know exactly where I'll be
Just look for me
Oh look for me

When it seems like you have lost it all
And you feel like you're in free fall
Goin' deep into the blue
I will rescue you

In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay

Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it

So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
I know he's there
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
while across the room, he stares
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words are never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

I made SAC today (:
Kinda made up for yesterday's... huge fiasco with my parents. I got charged $1.45 for roaming charges each time I gave Ji Sang a missed call. I have to pay for it, obviously, but now my phone is gone, my parents don't trust me, and a whole bunch of other shit. The thing is... they didn't ask for my phone later on. They just said, give us the phone. But I was busy so I didn't do it. I was planning to, later on, and so I just continued with homework. Then my parents went to bed early and I had a lot of homework for math, and I still didn't finish, so I stayed up. They didn't ask for my phone. So... I didn't know what to do except for just to leave it on my dad's desk. Which I did. But it's right next to me right now and I sooo want to turn it on and call Ji Sang :( Sigh. I think parents need to know the lines that they cannot cross. Insults can go only so far. They can push a person to do something that isn't good for them. I learned that. I need to just be their punching bag from now on. Well only one more year actually. Then university, I can stretch my legs out. Suck it up princess.

School is tiring.
Job starts Saturday morning.
Gotta wake up earling... yay.
I teach 4 classes and guard for half and hour.
So what now?


Stop procrastinating and maybe you'll get somewhere in life.
Failure.

Gossip Girl was on yesterday.
Mental note, go watch it online ASAP.
Stupid staff training got in the way of my happiness.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH SDKFJHLKAJSHDILUHLWSDJHFKLJHLALKSUHLIUAHLSDJFHLIUHAWLEJFHL;LKJA;OIA;JWEFAHLIUHLAKSJDHIUHLAKJLDJFHIJSDHFKJHALKSJ;ASDLKJHLSKJHLAIWHELJHFLAKSJDHLFLAIWJDKSJHCKJAHSLDKHFAJSKDJNCLAKJDFHLKAJL


I'm good.

So NLS gives you a certification/qualification that is good for 2 years. There's staff training. Why do I need to do aquatic hiring tryouts? What is the point of that certificate? They qualify you then say no... we just don't trust it?

That's pointless

You two must have looked like an adorable couple.

So I went back to school shopping yesterday (btw note to self, get more paper) and I got a call from Huron Park's aquatic supervisor... AND I'M OFFICIALLY HIREDDDD!!!! YEAHHHHHHH!!!! My first shift is on Saturday morning from 9:00 to 11:30. Hopefully I get the attending shift on Friday evenings. It might be manual labour, and COMPLETELY boring, but it's still hours!

YAYYYYY I'M A LIFEGUARRRRRRRRRDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!! (:

First day of school today whoooopppeeeee!!! Let's see how my first day of grade 12 went!

All in all, I can't say I expected anything less. We started work the first day because - surprise surprise - it was a full day (we usually have half days on the first days)! So I was expecting to wake up late today because I have a first period spare, and I really couldn't get up this morning, but I decided to get up anyway. I wanted to see some people that I haven't seen all summer! So I get myself up and I walk to school. THANK GOODNESS I went early! Turns out it was a day 2 today.. so my 5th period was first and my first period was 5th! So I ended up having Chemistry first. Chem was pretty good actually, except I realize now that Mr. Courtney doesn't really write notes. He more or less just jots down some words on the board, discusses it, then does a problem/writes some examples. I basically have to make my own notes. Well it's one step up from a Ramwa class I guess? Well actually more like a billion. Whatever. So that was pretty good. I have a lot of people in that class so I'll survive! And then next period, English! I was actually looking forward to this. Long story short, I had a bad English teacher in the beginning when I first got my timetable, so I was trying my hardest to switch out (I had English first period before). I ended up getting lucky and I switched out into a second period English (which didn't change ANYTHING on my schedule!!!) and Ji Sang's in my class! He decided that being enhanced sometimes sucks hehehe. No I kid. He just had to switch around stuff. ANYWHOO. Fun English class I guess. He kinda scared me with that 2000 word essay. I don't like big numbers. Unless you're talking about money haha! I kiddd! So next, advanced FUNCTIONNNSS!!! YAY MATH CLASS!!! So fun. We got started like right away -_-  We got a review sheet... AND IT WAS ALL FACTORING!!!! WHYYYYYYY??!?!??!?!?! What's so important about factoring?! Ugh. Anyway, waste of my life. I remembered how to do the stuff, I just didn't want to. I realized halfway through math class that it was my last class of the day. I had 4th lunch and since it was a day 2, my spare was 5th! SO I HAD 2 PERIODS OFF!!! AHHHH I was so happy. I kept rubbing it in my friends' faces haha. They were about to shoot me xD Anywho, we went to go get some poutine during 4th, since the entire school seems to have 4th lunch. I can tell right now it's gonna be such a huge bitch navigating the caf with the annoying 11's (only some) and annoying 10's (most) and annoying 9's (all). I'm gonna swear and cuss at one of them one day. So then during 5th, I really had nothing to do, and Tammy had her car, so Tammy, Eden, and I went to Square One! I bought this really nice nail polish (Essie "Swept off my feet") and Tammy got 2 fishies hehe. I realized while we were at the pet store, exactly HOW much I love bunnies! Aren't they the CUTEST things in the world?! I saw this one with a soft grey coat (I'm obsessed with that colour btw) and it had one ear up and the other ear down! It was absolutely adorable! Ahh I want one now, but my dad says they're smelly so I can't get one :( Maybe when I'm in university? :D Wow that would make me happy. Except I'd probably not take care of it without my mom reminding me xD ooohh I'm a lazy one. So rest of my day hmm.. Went back to school. I met up with Ji Sang, we got ice cream because it was burning hot outside. BY THE WAY, THANKS a lot for making me wear LONG JEANS!!! IT WAS BOILINNNG :( Sigh. So that was my first day of school!

Also, day before, I went to the ex with Ji Sang and Chan. It was fun! Ji Sang won ring toss twice hehe (: I ended up getting 2 stuffed toys! Yayyyy (: I love you!

Summer's gone.
School tomorrow.
Whooppeeeeee... not.

You know that feeling of a friend just losing interest in you? Yeah it kinda sucks doesn't it. I've been feeling that a lot lately. There's this friend of mine, his name shall not be spoken of out of respect, and we never really talked that much before but second semester we started talking a lot. We had a class together so that kinda explained it. We'd always be talking, and stuff about personal stuff that was happening. It's always nice connecting with people. I like that feeling. But then this summer, things just... grew apart. I still tried to talk to him but he just didn't want to spend that time talking to me. It's a horrible feeling. It's like... they're throwing you away almost... I don't know, but I've honestly never felt so out of it and lonely in my entire life. Even though there have been so many parties lately, I feel like I'm not wanted because no one really tells me and then expects me to make it even though... I'm not technically invited. Like okay whatever, it's a party, but at the same time I don't like gatecrashing. I'm sorry, I kinda want to feel like a welcomed person. I haven't gotten much done lately either. I have a lot of stuff that I need to get done. I don't know anymore about this. I feel like I put in a lot of effort to keep talking to my friends and then they don't put the same effort back... it just doesn't feel right. I'm really pissed about all of this that I can honestly say I want to give up on the people who don't seem to give a shit. If it seems like you're not talking to me and just blowing me off when I try to talk to you, I'm sorry. I don't have the time anymore for you. I want to get ahead in life already. I want to grow up. I want to just live the way I want to live. Damn it, I have SO much that I want to accomplish in the future AND right now. I'm taking time aside to be friendly and you don't want that? Okay by all means that's fine with me. I'll just cut you out completely. I don't really care, honestly. Because if you don't take that same time aside for me, it just means that you weren't a real friend in the first place, now were you. Grow the fuck up and learn to respect.

For nobody else, gave me a thrill
With all your faults, I love you still.
It had to be you, wonderful you,
It had to be you.

FINALLY back from the states. It's been fun! So let's list what I bought while I was there:

1. BCBGMaxAzria dress
2. BCBGMaxAzria bikini
3. shirt from PacSun
4. Forever 21 dress
5. Forever 21 tank top
6. Forever 21 plaid button down shirt
7. Forever 21 skirt
8. Abercrombie & Fitch long sleeve
9. Trying to remember... Clinique Superfit foundation (SUCH A GOOD DEAL!)
10. POST CARD AT THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING!!! (it was a cool card 8])

I'm pretty sure that's it... Hmm well so we went to Washington DC on Saturday. We stopped by this boarding school called St. Timothy's something something. Whatever. HOLY SHIT. That school is AH-MAZING. THERE WAS A STABLE WITH HORSIES AND A WHOLE FIELD WITH JUMPS AND EVERYTHING!!!! WOW. Anywhoo. We passed by Baltimore on our way there, saw John's Hokpins Medical school and area... it's basically located right in the middle of this... hood. We were driving by and we saw all these broken down houses and black people (seriously. I'm not making fun of black people, this is true) and then there's this HUGE building that said John's Hopkins something Medical school or whatever...
Hmm what else..? Oh so I was in this mall in Jersey and I was walking into Calvin Klein and this random guy grabbed me. SO of course I got freaked out! And then he grabbed my hand and started buffing my nail for me... He's like look watch watch, it'll stay shiny for a whole month! LOL! I later found out the guy was Israeli x) (Again, not making fun of Israeli's).
So Washington was pretty boring... Obama was away on vacation in Massachusetts so we couldn't see him anyway. But while we were walking down the street right next to the White House, the cops stopped us and told us to stand next to the chains where the grass was. And then 5 minutes later, the traffic got blocked off and then a bit later, there were police on motorcycles blasting their sirens. Following them were 2 black Escalades. My parents thought it was Obama, but I specifically remembered I saw him get off an airplane and the broadcaster said he was on vacation with his family.
ANYWHO that's all for now, more to come when I remember!

So, I'm in NYC/Jersey. It's been pretty nice, although I haven't really talked to Ji Sang... I really miss him :(
I am really happy though because I bought this really nice BCBGMaxAzria dress which I think I'll wear to semi next year.
YES I plan to go to both semi and prom! I reaaally don't care if i have to buy another dress. I WILL!!! I love going to these things! Haha. There weren't that many things that were at a really good price so I didn't really buy much. Just like.. a shirt and a bikini so far.
Hmm. Went around a bit of NYC today. 5th Ave. and Broadway are absolute LOVE (: Especially 5th Ave. Ji Sang, buy me everything okay? Okay! Hehe I LOVE YOUUUUUU!!!!!! Anyway, I should go. Ji Sang isn't coming online anytime soon. Where is he? :(

More to come!

Love,
Casex

P.S. Keeping an eye out for Gossip Girl filming spots and I'm coming up empty :( I WANT TO SEE MY CHACE CRAWFOORRDDD !!!

My hair is completely messed. I think chlorine will be the death of it...
WELL what can I do? I wanted to be a lifeguard, I have to suck it up. And keep using deep conditioner every week.
Sigh...

Songs I'm listening to:

1. Selfish by This Providence
2. BigCityDreams by Nevershoutnever!
3. Love Drunk by Boys like Girls
4. Good Girls Go Bad by Cobra Starship featuring Leighton Meester

I'm going to the big apple! On the 17th anyways. Happy?
Sorta. Ish. Not really. Kinda wanna stay here and enjoy summer with my friends... NOT visiting random people I don't remember in the States with my family of all people. I've spent too much time with them this summer. It's kinda sickening...
Yeah. Not really excited. Maybe under different conditions?

SO I guess they didn't mind me missint that one shift accidentally? (:
That's good because I'M SUPER EXCITED THAT I ALMOST HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!
Yay! I need to impress her...

To my elementary school self, tell him you like him before she tells him she tells the world she likes him.
And stop lying to your parents. They somehow have their ways...

To my middle school self, don't get back with him. Or better yet, don't say yes!
Branch out a bit and talk to others. Sometimes you'll find a friend where you least expect it.
DON'T DO IT. PUT IT DOWN. JUST PUT IT DOWN. That's not the right way to cope.

To my high school self, don't be scared. You're gonna miss out on a huge part of life. You'll find new friends, and if your old friends don't support you and hold you back, darling they're not friends.
Love him whole heartily. He'll change you into a better person.
Most of all, try to trust again.

I just missed volunteering. Shit. I hope they still hire me after this DX
I need this job...
Oh man I'm scared now.